Desi? On the fence about adoption? Read on.

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You probably landed here searching for “desi adopting in the US” or “desi adopters” or “Indians adopting on H1”. Perhaps you clicked on the “Adoption” tag on WordPress reader and stumbled on here. Any which way you got here, this post is for you.

Not very long ago, I sat up late at nights trawling the web with searches similar to the ones I mention above. The search was frustrating, not because there were no people of Indian heritage adopting in the US but because there were not many people willing to share their story on a public forum. I read up as much as I could. I read about immigration rules, federal rules, state rules that govern adoption yet all of that could not take away a yearning to know how was it like on the other side. “Did they? Can they love an adopted child as their own?”

Let me take a step back. Long before adoption entered the periphery of my waking thoughts, I struggled with infertility. Unexplained is how the medical professionals termed it. Saathi and I joked it was a euphemism for “I can’t find out and I have no clue how to help you”. Each month the disquiet in my abdomen preceded what would be a wild swing of emotions. Sadness, Anger, Hopelessness, Hope. Each would take hold, claw me down and hold me till the next storm of emotions hit. I craved normal. I was desperate to be as nonchalant as I portrayed myself to be. The game face I wore most days weighed me down by the time it was bedtime. I googled ‘child-free’ living in the hopes that seeing others forge that path would give me hope.

Then a friend adopted and hope took residence in my heart. The internet was my friend, adoption forums my home. I quickly swapped out infertility lingo for adoption lingo, mimicked other PAPs (Prospective Adoptive Parents) and spent hours figuring out the best way to become a parent through adoption. Through it all, I sorely missed the brown point of view. Then I found one couple’s short note on some forum and then another. Soon, a tiny village took shape. We all went on to adopt and parent. We shared notes, traded anxieties, vented, shared pictures and updates as our children grew. We grappled with openness in adoption. Every delay, every stumble towards each developmental milestone was viewed through the lens of adoption. We found ways to advocate for our children.

In the midst of all this are the everyday joys. The sheer miracle of being a parent. The gap toothed smiles. The impromptu hugs. The inane conversations about imaginary friends. The ice-cream runs. The theme park adventures. The live-life-like-you-are-a-child experience. Even the bad moments, the temper tantrums, the rebelliousness, the exhaustion is a reminder back to the times when we craved it. Love is all encompassing. The kind that you feel physically in the pit of your stomach. You ache with joy when you see your beautiful children.

So, my friend, if you are on the fence about adoption, go on back and read the post again. If you nodded your head against most things I said, you are ready. Is becoming a parent worth it? A resounding YES.

3 comments

  1. Nice post.. In fact have been toying with the idea of adopting a baby (I know it is crazy tough for couples and all the more for single women but nevertheless).. My uncle has a daughter who turned 10 this year and she ja adopted.. Was intact chatting with him abt the entire process.. Quite I teresting and his seemed fairly easy..

  2. I wish I could have helped you more when you went through your struggles. All I did & still do is wish that you & Saathi are happy. It brings me sheer joy to see pictures of the gals.

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