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I sit in my office, the light fixture above me giving off a warm glow. It’s a little close to 6:00 pm. Early evening. The darkness outside makes it seem surreal. The Christmas tree is lit, the warm yellow of the tiny bulbs casting a mellow glow around. Red and white gift paper peeks from beneath the tree. I sit and I wait. My daughters should be home in a little bit. My chores for the day are done. I lean back for support and the stripes on my tee-shirt emphasize my bump.

Absently I lay my hand on my tummy and feel a quiver. I smile indulgently. The past few months have been marked by changes. Physically and emotionally. My usually rough skin has softened. My nails grow faster. I groan each time I get off the weighing scale. It seems like each time I turn around, one of the twins is hugging my belly. I get impromptu kisses. Most statements start with “When I was a baby…”

I look out the window for the telltale headlights of our car. It is silent and lonely. I pace up and down the living room. My gait has changed. I stand and look at myself in the mirror. I look tired. Tired and happy.

The next few months will be a series of this sameness. Of being aware of the changes within and without. There are times when I wish I could blink and wish away a few months. Then there are times I want to hold on. Hold on to the predictability and routine of our current lives.

I am aware of a seismic shift in the making. A re-ordering of priorities. A shift in the way we had perceived our lives. It scares me. I alternate between feeling excited and anxious. For someone who has loved new beginnings, this fear is new. And unknown. I stop in front of the altar where the Goddess smiles beatifically on me. I close my eyes in supplication and chant. I feel peace steal in. I force myself to smile and bend in obeisance.

I hear the sound of the garage door and feel relief. Squeals of laughter followed by sounds of boots being discarded shake me from my reverie.


  1. This is one change which is worth it!! πŸ™‚ I know you want to hold that bundle of joy soon!! Impatience marks this wait. I wish you the very best… You are such a wonderful person I have had the luck to come across & have in my life. Your Saathi just compliments you. The gals are gems :).

  2. wow… I am very happy for you. Actually, more than happiness, you know that feeling of a wonderful warmth in your heart when you hear/see something really good? It is a overwhelmingly beautiful feeling. That`s how I feel right now for you. Thanks for bringing that out in me today.

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