Waving the spouse and kids off, I walked around my home. The weeds and the tall grass stood out in sharp relief. Sighing, I made my way inside as the sight of the rose bushes by the front caught my eye. The profusion of color made me stop and the weeds merged with the background. Back inside and at my desk, I looked out the window instead of the task at hand.
If the word for last year was restlessness, this year it has been contentment. Life has slowed down since I quit my full-time job. The mornings are slower, dictated by the time I get up rather than an alarm. There is pleasure in packing food for the kids and putting pony-tails on their head. The days are marked not by the hours I log but by the lure of the written word. Pursuits I once considered frivolous are now par for the course.
I am at ease in my skin. At peace with whom I have become. The regrets and what ifs of the past have given way to just being. In accepting this is what my life is. This is whom I am. The results are visible. I feel less stressed. More optimistic about pursuing what I want. Fear of failure seems less daunting.
I look back on my life and realize there is truly just one way to live. To let go of fear and embrace who I am. To accept that flaws and failure comes with the terrain. I can’t be great at all I do and that is OK. If I want something, the only option is pursuit, not wishful thinking. That rewards come with risks and with power comes responsibility.
Yup, this frame of mind becomes me. I hope it stays this way.