Driving down slowly along the one lane road that is now the primary connection between my old life and the new one, I was on auto-pilot. Eyes scanning the road, the rearview and the kids in a loop that is now second nature. We passed a familiar light and the traffic ahead of me slowed. My shoulders relaxed just a little bit and my eyes looked around for newness in the landmarks that are now just markers to my destination. We passed an intersection that brought back a flood of memories from the not so recent past. The rest of the drive and the evening blurred into a jumble of memories and incoherent thoughts.
For the longest time I firmly believed that people came into my life for a reason. Our lives touched each other for an instant because of some lasting value to someone in the many interconnected webs that we spin around us. Passing that street made me reflect on the reasons why our paths crossed. Perhaps there was nothing to this grand premise which explained away unreturned calls, ignored invites and hurting hearts.
I scanned the orb of people who I have surrounded myself with since my earliest memory. The people who prominently figure in my Inner circle on Google Plus and on the smart Close Friends list on Facebook. Each person retained a space in that sanctum because of some value they have in my life. I have never once questioned if I figured in their lists. If I was privy to their unmasked selves. Today, there is an unease in my mind. The needling questions that are prying themselves out of the psyche in which I had buried them.
That there could be no reason, no order to this chaos is unsettling.