Changes to feel good about

At a traffic stop on my morning commute, strains of music coming from the car stereo took me back a few year. Well! more than a few years. For some strange reason incidents from a decade back when I was content to let people walk over me washed through my mind’s eye. I pressed the brake harder than necessary at the next light. Funny! I thought to myself and forced myself to relax.

I compared mental notes and smiled as I realized I had come a long way from being someone who was OK being stood up. Someone who apologized without reason. Someone who lacked a certain sense of self.

Walking away from a meeting when the other person was late by 10 minutes, I sped away on the highway feeling justified. It is about respecting yourself an inner voice muttered while half of me wondered if I did the right time. Letting the phone go to voicemail as I read my children, I forced myself to be still and finish what I was doing before returning the call at my leisure.

It is in the little things that I see the biggest changes. Self esteem has wrought big wonders. I smile easily and remain firm when I refuse to pick up an essay for a colleague’s brother that needed proof-reading and editing. My personal time is off-limits I say and expect to be understood.

If I did not put myself first who else will I wonder? I park and walk to my office in the nippy air feeling confident in my skin.

4 comments

  1. I am glad you are pepping up your self esteem with out being called arrogant, selfish most importantly not feeling arrogant/ selfish/guilty

    when we think about it even feels weird that we have to make conscious effort to do it where as it should come to us naturally. I guess, personally for me it has lot to do with the conditioning where I grow up. Caring for self, for women specially, is considered selfish. I am making lot of efforts too.. many times I fail, sometimes I make progress. I sincerely wish my kids don’t fight this battle, for that I need to even make extra effort.
    Do I make sense to you enkay?

    • You make a lot of sense dear shy! That is exactly what I am hoping for with the kids except I have a feeling they will do it naturally. They are immersed in a culture that values personal achivement and is not ashamed of self promotion. We on the other hand have a lot of cultural baggage in that department.

  2. Whatever the reason, it’s a beautiful change, isn’t it? To be comfortable in your skin and be confident about the person you are becoming. I do agree with you Enkay. We did have to work on undoing some of our social conditioning. And our kids will have to undo a different kind of conditioning – that it’s good to stand up for yourself, but the universe does not revolve around them at all times.

    • Absolutely! Well said. I think those are their battles to fight. All we can do is to make sure they imbibe an innate sense of fairness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s