Brownies beware

The shift has been gradual. So slow that I have trouble admitting it to myself. That I love my carbs is common knowledge. Over the past few months, I have gone from the person mocking at Saathi for his abominable fixation with vegetables to the one on whom the joke is. While what I consume has not changed very much, the mental wheels whirring with each bite I take has shifted gears.

From resentment, I now experience shame and guilt. I sneak away when I eat that piece of cake. Yet, far from it being an object of desire, I now seem to eat out of compulsion. A relic of years of unhealthy relationship with food. The mind screams no! with each bite. I seem to be reaching out for the third or fourth helping of vegetables. I dab on that butter a little liberally. I look at the cereal box with an emotion akin to sorrow.

With each passing day, the dynamic between me and my plate changes a little. It nudges a bit closer to the perceived ideal. Then there are days when it feels like all is ruined. I sabotage weeks of almost healthy eating with something as ruinous as Maggi and cheese sandwiches.

The difference these days though is the remorse. Remorse born out of knowledge and a desire to right the wrongs. So, while I battle it out internally, here is a message to that sinfully loaded brownie sitting behind the glass cage in the cafe below. Please stay there!


  1. funny, yet very serious post. How many times my mind screamed NNNOOOOOOOOOO, but I ignored and behaved like mindless. yes, stay there brownies

  2. I went through this kind of a phase in between – but now I am back to where there is no remorse. Assumption is that going back to work will miraculously make me thin!

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