This past weekend I was part of a lovely celebration for my SIL as she celebrated her birthday. Running behind two active toddlers I was surprised by how fast time flew. Way past lunch, we finally bid byes and set out home. The girls fell asleep in minutes. K parked and stepped out to finish the weekly grocery shopping. I sat guard over the sleeping beauties and mulled over the changes in our life.
I racked my brain to remember when was the last time we had a bunch of friends over. The last time I cooked for over ten people. 2005 perhaps? In over five years, our socializing fizzled and came to a stand still. We retreated into the silence of our homes. Passed up invites and gave out none ourselves. My virtual world grew by leaps and bounds. I enjoyed the interactions from behind the anonymity of a web URL and an email id. I did not feel like I missed out on any of the fun. Till now.
As I saw my SIL laughing and basking in the glow of friendship, it hit me. The years I had lost. Memories of friendships past came rushing. The shared laughter. The whispered secrets. The hour-long phone calls. The impromptu shopping trips.
This past week I have been rueing the distance. The distances physical and mental. I stand at crossroads not knowing if and how things will change. Feels a bit like being back in school as the new girl in class. Will I make new friends I ponder? Will they like me? How do I go about making friends? Do I reach out to those who gave up on me? The questions land fast and thick. I have no answers. All I know is that I am ready. Ready to crawl out of my shell and into the sunshine.