The rearview mirror

As the weekend comes to a close and I reflect on two wonderfully relaxing, quiet days that wrapped up my birthday, I feel introspective. It has been a wonderful year. A year filled with happiness as the pervasive theme. As is a tradition I have set for myself, here is the year in review.

January dawned dark. K and I started the New Year on a deeply sad note. A child we had waited for with bated breath for over four months was not to be. I started the year promising myself that I would focus on the positives and not let it weigh me down. Three weeks later our daughters found us. I do not count myself amongst the overtly religious or spiritual but if ever there was a miracle, I was living one. Every cliché we say about things happening for a reason suddenly rang true. Life was filled with profound moments.

February saw us home with Kay and Cee after being stuck in a cramped hotel room for three weeks courtesy a massive winter snowstorm that led to flight cancellations and whiteout conditions. All of this month was spent reveling in the new-found relationship with my daughters. It was still new. Still novel. I had a copy of our adoption papers still in my bag. Just in case I had to prove I was their momma.

March brought with it the babies’ first birthday. It was a proud moment was K and I held a child each and made a million wishes for their well-being even as all our friends and family looked on. Amma flew in to help us and the next six months were easier.

April brought with it spring and warmer days. It also marked a formal end to the adoption process with the finalization of Kay and Cee as our forever daughters in court. Symbolically this happened on Tamil New Year’s day. I lost a grand-aunt this month as well as started work after a long maternity break.

May was a month for looking inward and reflecting. I celebrated my first mother’s day and also wiped out my Facebook account in a big spring purge. K and I caved and decided to sign on the dotted line for a brand new minivan. It was official. I was now a minivan driving riding supermom. A few years to go to call myself a soccer mom.

June saw me taking up the NaBloPoMo which meant writing every single day that month. K and I celebrated nine years of togetherness. I opened up some posts to questions and that led to some interesting discussions. We traded our trusty old civic for a new minivan and discovered that non Indians are very much like us only! I started school again after a break of two terms and loved it. June also saw restlessness creep into my being setting into motion the eventual change in jobs that happened towards the end of the year. I made this huge announcement of taking a break from blogging only to come back shamefaced less than two weeks later.

July whizzed past with a visit to Shankari and ruminations on what success meant. I was floored by the response to my post on Lurker Love and it propelled me to keep going.

August was a bittersweet month. I lost my Viji Chithi and Amma left in a hurry to be there with the people who needed her most. Kay and Cee started daycare and I was torn between working and staying home.

September saw K turn a year older and our lives ebbing and flowing with the girl’s moods. This month also saw me consciously being grateful for the good in our lives.

October saw the seasons change. The falling leaves brought with it heavy thoughts on how we should navigate the transracial adoption that defines our relationship with our daughters. The restlessness that stirred in June took hold and I was craving change. Halloween came and went as did a bout of illness that kept the girls and I home for three weeks at a stretch.

November saw me switch allegiances from India to the US. I also officially changed my name and it took a while for all of it to sink in. I was intent on starting a tradition of holiday portraits and coerced/cajoled K into going with me and  the girls. Shutterfly had this timely offer which I took advantage of. Thanksgiving came and went with me feeling incredibly thankful for the blessings in my life. Appa’s death anniversary saw me reliving the happy times in my mind and wishing he had seen my daughters.

December saw me quit my job of five years and opt for one with a bank. I took a break between jobs and enjoyed some well deserved ‘me’ time. The new job is taking a little getting used to and snow showers have me on the road for much longer than I had thought. Birthday came and went leaving behind an overwhelming sense of happiness and gratitude. I am looking forward to starting the new year with hope and happiness.

As I look forward to the next year and the years ahead, my mind is filled with hope and fear for the unknown. The recurrent theme of this year was happiness and gratitude. The years ahead of us will be much more challenging than the ones we have left behind. All I can do is to remind myself that when we feel down and out to remember that joys untold are just behind the corner.

Here’s wishing each and every one of you peace, hope and health in the year ahead.

Happy New Year!!!

12 comments

  1. What a lovely post. The honesty really gives it its zing. Am sure you will see the joys around the corner….the worry seems to make the joys more precious? That’s one way to put positive spin on worry, huh? 😀

    Wish you a lovely year ahead and am sure you will settle into the new job soon.

  2. Wishing you a very happy belated birhtday, hope it was all that you wished for. Even though we have all been with you on your journey, but seeing it all in one like this makes us feel it was a very eventful year filled with lots of emotions and thankfully ending on a high 🙂 Hope all the years ahead continue to be happy & full of abundance, wishing you, K & the girls a lovely start to 2011. All the best & god bless you and your loved ones.

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