Standing by my bed under yellow light bulbs, my feet were killing me. It was a long day. Folding a million tiny pieces, I longed to wave a magic wand so everything would be done and I could rest my weary feet. Except I couldn’t find my magic wand or conjure up my pixie. Sighing, I picked up the phone and dialed a friend. She wasn’t around. I kept calling friends in succession all of whom seemed to have disappeared this Sunday night or decided my caller id was enough to keep them away from the phone. Trying one last number I was thrilled to hear a voice at the other end. Mommy of twins herself, I could sense that she was busy from her voice. We spoke briefly before I decided to give up all attempts at finding company while the humongous pile before me refused to shrink.
In that small conversation she said something that set me thinking. Perhaps it is something in the air. Thoughts surrounding priorities, feminism, motherhood and career have been darting in and out of my mind over the past few weeks. Mad Momma wrote this post about the choice she made.
I feel like I am at crossroads. There is one side to me that wants to go all out. Capitalize on the MBA, look for opportunities and make my corporate dreams come true. There is another side that plays devil’s advocate. Raises uncomfortable questions. Makes me pause and think. It is not about working or staying home. It more about learning to be content and re-ordering priorities than to try to be super mom and do it all. I have more than a few friends who have chosen to pass up advancement opportunities in order to be better available to their families. While I did not understand their reasons then, I do now. Yet, there is this small voice inside of me that pipes up. Why can’t I have it all?
Why indeed? Why do I feel career advancement can only come at the cost to family time? I wonder if fathers feel the same way as mothers do, that career advancement can only come at a cost. As for the people who say they have it all, I wonder what is it that they are secretly compromising on. 🙂 Perhaps they have learnt to outsource the meal planning and home keeping to other people? How thin can one spread themselves? If work starts feeling like a chore, is the advancement even worth it?
Perhaps, over time I will find a happy medium or re-order my priorities so I feel like I have a win-win situation? Till then the questions remain.
If you have an opinion chime in. Am all ears!