Of all the paths we could have been on

Driving back late last night from a round of grocery shopping, I leaned back and let out a sigh of contentment. The road we were on seemed metaphorical. I turned around in the darkness and watched the gentle heave of tiny bodies as they slept.

It is in the everyday moments like these that profound thoughts assail me. The years between 2005 and 2009 had infertility defining my life. I would alternate between pragmatism and philosophy. Convincing myself that eventually I would be a mom and mentally steeling myself for a lifetime of empty evenings. The intensity of my emotions surprised me. I never thought of myself as someone who could be obsessed with one thought and one thought only. Consumed by a hunger for information, I scoured the internet, lurked on forums, dug up information on the latest advances, mentally made notes on what next to test for or find treatment for. I was always working on a Plan B.

I visualized the multiple paths that lay ahead. All of them culminated at the same destination. The views were different, the obstacles different, the landscape varied. Looking back now on the path we traveled I find with great satisfaction that there is nothing I would change about it. None of the heartbreak, none of the tears. I am so glad that of all the paths we could have been on, this is the one we took.

3 comments

  1. Same path i went between 1997-2004 but then i got married when i was 20 then i was in 4 years college but i went thru same agony. I don’t know why me and my husband were told to go thru that path but i learned a lot thru those lessons. I was able to get pregnent with clomid only and i have two girls 6 and 2 that is a blessing compared to what others go thru. The pain, I could still feel it.

  2. There’s something to be said of the road taken, isnt it? Looking back, there isn’t one thing I’d change about my past- good or bad- its what made me who I am now and I like what I see of me and where I’ve gotten. Sure, things could have gone differently and well, but then the journey wouldn’t have been the same, nor the landscape nor the co-travellers.

    🙂

    (this one time I did surface to comment 🙂

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