Lakshmi asked: How did you convince yourself to share so much of your private life with all, I mean EVERY ONE? Ever struggle with it at all? I admire you – its not easy to do it.
I have to admit this question took me by surprise. Not so because it is so pointed but because of how I reacted to it the moment I saw it. Sometimes there are things in your subconscious that you try to keep there for fear if it rose to the surface, you would have to deal with it. This is one of those things. To answer this, I have to go back quite a bit, so bear with me.
Growing up, I never thought of myself as good enough. Not for myself, not for my parents, not for my peers. Somewhere in middle school, I realized I had potential. I read way too many books that would qualify me as precocious for my age. I knew things my classmates had no clue about. Over time, I built this aura of the all-knowing person whom people could confide in and know that I understood. Perhaps I am painting this in a shade too grey and all it was a teenager trying to fit in. Anyway. Someway.
Fast forward to a decade later, I started blogging on a whim. I loved the idea that I could spew words on to the ether and they would get carried to the corners of the earth. It felt powerful, this unbridled freedom to express. So, it started innocuously enough. Me venting my feelings for no one yet someone to hear. Then it happened, one comment appeared. It spurred me on. I have no idea when my blog took the form it did. I was never overly concerned about privacy until well-meaning friends and family clued me in to it. I took the pictures away, stopped referring to people by names or mentioning specific places of events. However, at the core, the blog is and will be about me for there is nothing else I can write about with ease. Nothing that will let words flow out of me in a torrent.
For a while, I tried my hand at neutral stuff. Things that are safe but it felt strained and unnatural. So, I went back to being true to who I am at my core. In real life, I share easily. I worry not about what the other person will think of me. I perhaps indulge in too much information. Yet, to me it feels right. I only struggle with it when others point it out to me. It rankles for a bit but never enough to push me to stop. At least so far. There are times when I have come close to making this a private blog. An online journal of sorts just for me. I just can’t seem to do it. I value the interaction with the online community and the friendships I have made from it. When the niggling fears come, I only have to go back and read the comments on a few cherished posts and I know I have more to gain from blogging than not.