Honeymoon over?

Racing against time this morning as I sped to make it to my 8:00 AM meeting I was wrought with guilt. As I waited for the signal to turn green, I debated turning back and heading home. You see, I left home with two babies that needed a diaper change and as much as I knew K or my mom would eventually get it done, I was feeling so very guilty. Guilty for putting work ahead of their needs. Guilty for stepping out of the home even as two mottai kutties watched eyes wide as I slung my backpack and closed the door behind me.

I have heard about this infamous mommy guilt. I felt it today for the first time. I know I will survive and the girls will too. We will go on to have a laugh about it some day. But for the now, it feels heavy. The feeling of guilt and the questions in my heart. All these weeks I was home or the days I worked from home, I thrived on that false sense of being there. Being physically present even if I did not really do much.

Does feel like that rose-tinted view of motherhood is giving way to the harsh realities of actually being one. Rocking wailing babies in the night do not make for a happy mommy in the morning. The demands of a full-time job do clash with being a hands on mommy. In the end, I know I will make this work but just for today I feel guilty. So very guilty!

4 comments

  1. Laksh, this is the harsh reality. Further more, getting the child to wake up, do all the morning chores, getting us ready, packing hot lunch, feeding her breakfast, and then getting into day care, consoling the child who does not want you to leave, separation anxiety, then heading off to work is just one big herculean task. Sometimes I wonder if its really worth it. Further when they are sick and dont sleep the night and you have an important meeting in the morning, and they cannot go to day care….its really hard or atleast that has been my experience so far. 8AM meetings dont work for me. Cant have my baby’s sleep disrupted for 8Am meetings can I. I can barely make it to 9AM meetings.

  2. I think that not a day goes by that I don’t feel some mommy guilt over something I haven’t done for my kids. Intellectually, I know it is ridiculous…nevertheless…

    Pam

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