In the silence of the afternoon tapping on my keyboard catching up on my emails as is my habit now when the girls nap, I felt the room get chillier. Pushing off the impulse to get up and get a sweater, I kept at the computer till I crossed that break point and reluctantly closed the laptop to check on the girls and do something about the cold. Opening the coat closet to reach out for my trusty fleece, my eyes fell on two tiny pink winter coats courtesy my brother and UL. I stopped for a moment lingering to trace a finger over each.
It is moments like these that drive home how irrevocably my life has changed. Gone are the days wishing and hoping to see a tiny jacket in there. Now there are two. Every wistful sigh, every prayer, every hour I spent agonizing on my inability to procreate is now gone. Forever gone from my psyche. I am loving this feeling. A joy that comes from a wish fulfilled. A long-held dream come true. A yearning so powerful that it translated itself into reality.
As I spent the rest of my ‘me’ time hunched back at the computer before the flashing baby monitor registered baby sounds again, my mind kept going back to the image of the tiny winter coats. I replay our whole adoption journey over and over. Yes, there were compromises. There were stumbling blocks. It is very possible I could still be waiting for the mythical baby to come to us. Yet, here I am now. A stay at home mommy to two babies. If this does not tell me that there is something to ‘just believing’ what else will? All I needed to do was believe. Believe things happen for a reason. Believe my dreams will come true. Believe that this is karma. Believe that the girls were meant to be mine.
Just believe. Yes. That is my new mantra.