Lighting the twin oil lamps in front of my makeshift puja cabinet, I lifted my eyes to a plethora of Gods arranged in a random order in the dark cavernous space before me. Lightly touching the entrance to the space and touching my eye, I closed my eyes and prayed. Like I have taken to doing these past few months.

Eyelids fluttering open, my vision rested on one little cube of glass. Rays of light emanating from all around that figurine, it has been my recent favorite. I focused my attention on that one little representation of God and willed for positive things to happen. Then humming a tune I moved away to start my morning routine of cooking and packing food.

All through the morning, my thoughts went back and zoned in on the moment when I picked one representation of God over another to supplicate myself to. Over the years, this image has changed. In school it used to be Hanuman, the huge benevolent mascot with legendary strength. I remember touching his tail and making wishes. Then for a while it was the elephant headed Ganesha. I have had and still do multiple small forms of Ganesha all over my home and my workplace. Every time I perceive myself as stuck with something, I close my eyes and send out a silent call for help. Sometimes it works other times I tell myself I did not call hard enough.

For a while it was Shakthi in her different forms. I muttered a three line prayer I know under my breath whenever I felt I needed strength. To go through tough times. She was there her nose ring glinting in some unknown source of light washing out my miseries.

These days it is yet another form. I guess I have always wanted one form to focus on. To channel my pleas. And to carry the blame.

Mom to three. Open adoption advocate. Writer.

8 Comment on “Focusing on the one

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