Every once in a while, I stop what am doing to ponder on that path I am on. To use a metaphor, growing up my family portrait looked like this. Two tall silhouettes and two tiny ones hands linked walking into the sunset. Of course, in my mind’s eye the tiny ones would have my dimples, my creative talents, his angular jaw and his passion for numbers. They would be a mix of both our best features. Over the years, this picture has morphed to sometimes missing the tiny stick figures to sometimes including just one.

Ever since we changed directions and are looking at a family portrait like none other that I have seen, I am having a hard time painting it in my mind. Most often I just wonder. Wonder about nature and nurture. Wonder if we will one day look back on this phase and pat ourselves on the back or wish we could unwind time and change course.

The questions in my mind are endless. They are needling. They are uncomfortable. They push me out of my comfort zone. I am now exploring a whole new world I did not know existed. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I catch myself smiling absentmindedly. Some days I wish I could hurry up and fast forward a year to know how my life story ends. Some days like this, I sit and wonder. At the beauty of life and the meaning of living in the present.

Adoption Family Feelings Life Musings reflections Adoption feelings Home Inner Voice Life Reflections