On my mind this morning

Late yesterday I was trying to put my thoughts together on the topic of abuse within normal homes for Sa and kept meandering. There is so much I want to say but words just don’t fall together like they aught to. Struggling for a while I gave up and switched on the TV to this.

 Reba McEntire and Kelly Clarkson Because of You

I was struck with how this song resonated with what I felt. Since yesterday, this has been on my mind. I’d love to hear your take on abuse within the context of marriage/live in relationship and no am not just talking of women here. 🙂

7 comments

  1. I think the toughest piece with marital abuse is recognizing that the relationship is being abused. As outrageous as it seems, between denial and hope, abuse can go unidentified for a while. Take arranged marriages for instance, where the individuals are from different upbringings and values systems. So there is always a tendency to give benefit of doubt and make it work. In those instances, atleast in the short-term, abuse is in shades of grey, not as black and white as is generally expected.

  2. I agree with Suman – the difficult part is to recognize and accept that the relationship and in turn, you are being abused. Recognizing and accepting that you are in a troubled relationship (abused or not) is the first step towards fixing or getting over with it, as the case may be but as easy as it sounds, it is not that easy to deal with and most often, we as individuals are in denial. I have been surprised to see the kind of crap individuals, who are otherwise sane and normal, are willing to put up with in the name of saving a relationship. I think this is the phase when abuse is in shadees of grey (as Suman mentions), you are willing to give the other person the benefit of doubt, you are doubting yourself and in short, not dealing with the fact that you are being abused.

  3. I dont know why… this topic reminds me of the movie ‘Nanda’… I cant understand why that surya’s mum poisoned him when she should have stand for herself and should have left the husband or if she have poisioned him it would have make sense a bit… but then when it comes to things that we call love, relationship etc… the mind doesnt function properly I guess…

    Having written all this… I think no two individuals are same… there are abusive marriage, abusive parents, abusive friendship… and the list goes on and on… if there is a person who goes through all this at a smae time… I dont think they would have react the same way in all this situation… abusive in whatever form is still abusive… maybe sometimes the love that they have… or the the fear they have… prevents them to get out of it… its not so easy I guess…

  4. @Suman: I totally agree. Problem is it happens to us all the time. I guess even though we see it, it is kind of invisible.
    @Akay: Very true. My bigger problem is that for friends and family watching the abuse silently, how do we step in and help?
    @selvi: Hit the nail on the head, though I was thinking primarily of abusive man-woman relationships, abusive parents and abusive friends are just as common. At the end of the day it is all about wielding power.

  5. Sometimes, even the abusers(in case of mental abuse) dont know the impact of their actions. I think it isnt just the case of denial alone as suman mentioned the realization that you are being abused and others are being unreasonable is difficult. This is all in the case of mental abuse.

    Tolerating physical abuse itself is some form a psychological problem.No rational person in this era should tolerate it hoping things would change.

  6. @Sachita: That definitely is a different viewpoint though sadly, the number of people who do tolerate even in this day and age are pretty high.

  7. i am trying to help my sister she is being abused by her husband he is a psycho ,its mentality and thumping and hitting her ,and he demanding 3 thousand pounds to get out of her life ,she is so at her wits end trying to get this money ,he as even hit me im54 he as beat up my son and my mother she was 60 years old and if we went to the police he told well a bit more my sister would not have any face ,and now he is demanding this mony to go out of her life ,its so upsetting all the family dont know where to start please is there anybody out there im begging before he kills my baby sister

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