Ever have the feeling you are chasing a mirage? For a good part of my growing up years I thought I had ‘potential’ and that I was capable of great things. Of leading a life so off the beaten path that I would be a trailblazer. Remember this is all just in my head.
As the years pass and I sink deeper into the mechanics of living everyday life, I seem to be losing my grip on that elusive dream. Sometimes, I am not even sure of what is it I thought I was capable of. I despised people who were happy in their skin. I envied people who seemed to live on the edge. People to whom ‘exciting’ things happened.
These few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I realize this is all there is to me. There is no hidden entrepreneur waiting within me to spread her wings. There is not this hidden person within me who will suddenly go bungee jumping or enrol in salsa classes. As much as the realization is a let down, it is also strangely liberating. Its almost like I can go on and be my boring self without bothering about nurturing this intellectual within me.
What a relief! 🙂