Done chasing the mirage!

Ever have the feeling you are chasing a mirage? For a good part of my growing up years I thought I had ‘potential’ and that I was capable of great things. Of leading a life so off the beaten path that I would be a trailblazer. Remember this is all just in my head.

As the years pass and I sink deeper into the mechanics of living everyday life, I seem to be losing my grip on that elusive dream. Sometimes, I am not even sure of what is it I thought I was capable of. I despised people who were happy in their skin. I envied people who seemed to live on the edge. People to whom ‘exciting’ things happened.

These few days, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I realize this is all there is to me. There is no hidden entrepreneur waiting within me to spread her wings. There is not this hidden person within me who will suddenly go bungee jumping or enrol in salsa classes. As much as the realization is a let down, it is also strangely liberating. Its almost like I can go on and be my boring self without bothering about nurturing this intellectual within me.

What a relief! 🙂

6 comments

  1. I do not agree the Chase is Over. History has been witness to individuals realizing their inner potential after their possible “run of the mill” career is over.

    Who knows you will one day some event or thought will reopen the chase and you might discover your “inner calling” which your conscious search did not find.

    Anyways “Best Luck” in whatever path you have choosen.

  2. Laksh,

    I beg to differ. There is no limit to a person’s potential. Its amazing what a person can do. You do know an average person uses less than 10% of his brain.
    Its a matter of practice, perseverence. What will happen if every person accepted failure and stopped trying?
    You must have heard of Edison and his 20000 failed experiments before he invented the light bulb. There should be passion, that is genuine and there should be hardwork too. As they say may be we need intellect, but that accounts for 20%, the rest is perseverence.

    Anyway I am not sure exactly about what you are talking about. But dont limit yourself. Dont draw boundaries :–) Every person is different and ‘interesting’ in their own way. Find your passion and you will do awesome!!

  3. @Koolraaga: I guess I should have qualified my feelings better. Am just saying I feel like it is OK to be normal. It is OK to lead a boring life and I am happy doing that.
    @SK: I agree. I just meant that I do not have to beat myself up because I am trying to live up to impossibly high expectations of myself.
    @SS: Hugs dee! Talk soon.
    @SSQUO: Thank you. Finally one person who ‘got’ it. 🙂

  4. I don’t think you are done chasing the dream. I recently had this aha moment were I felt exactly as you described. But feeling good about who you are and proud of what you do is the very thing that makes you a complete woman. My favourite sentence for this year seems to be ‘go with the flow’ you will end up being more happy in your own skin and hopefully even achieve those dreams, or things that are all in your head as put it.

    I cannot praise you enough, you really are doing a wonderful job by putting your thoughts down. I am sure you must be helping a lot of women understand themselves a lot better, you have certainly helped me through this journey of life….

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