Showing restraint

All my life I have been the kind to follow my heart and not my head. If a friend stopped talking to me for whatever reason, instead of stewing over it and retaining my pride, I would reach out and ask why. If somebody cold shouldered me, upset as I was, instead of returning the treatment I would wage a battle in my head and swallow my pride to ask why.

Over the years, I have learned what it means to retain some of the pride. I used to admire people who could go weeks without talking just so they are not the first to yield. On the flip side, I could not contain happiness either. I would burst before I could keep things to myself. So my latest and greatest achievements would have to be broadcast as soon as I learnt about them. It would offend me when people kept things to themselves. I learnt to get over that too.

So, this week when I got an email from one of the hiring managers at work saying a person I had referred had come in for an interview. I was thrilled and miffed at the same time. I had not heard anything from the said person. Debating within myself, I finally did something I was proud of. Showed restraint. Decided not to ask why. For once I realized I did not care. Or even if it did, I did not care enough to know why. And I feel mighty proud. πŸ™‚

12 comments

  1. Dear Laksh

    The more I read your writings, the more I mirror myself in you.This moment I feel contented to know there is somebody else like me on this earth.
    I now recollect quite often Amma saying not to bother for this kind of exhibits by others and to just ignore it.
    Ofcourse my experiences taught me to just ignore and not worthy to care about. Having said that it still pinches me some where inside. I can not run away from myself …you know. hahahha
    You have a nice day.

  2. Laksh,

    I can soooooooo relate!!!
    I can never hold things to myself. I have to tell someone. Be it happiness or sadness or any emotionless event. I call it being an open book.
    But I have also learnt to not expect the same from others.
    People are just wired differently.

  3. But Laksh, it’s such a positive thing to shed your pride and ego. When egos speak, there is no rationality, and one is always on the defensive mode. Without pride and ego, the emotion is just pure and innocent.

  4. 1. I so agree with your post. I have struggled and struggled about this restraint thing. Sometimes, I fool myself saying.. I dont play games and smile at myself smugly in the mirror. But even while I am doing that i know that i am just unable to hold myself back.. I share so much of my life with everyone that when things go wrong.. the one thing i wish i had done.. was held my tongue.

    Withholding information is a source of power.One just has to decide if it is worth it.
    To some it is.

    Lovely blog. So organized..

  5. Laksh-

    It is so good that you can hold yourself and not ask this friend why he/she didn’t tell you about the interview call. Sometimes, as hard as this may be to practice, there are better chances for the relationship to survive if we continue to overlook these kinds of behavior.

  6. I can totally relate to you Lakshmi. I don’t think there is anything wrong if you expected your friend to inform you regarding the interview as you were the reason she/he got the interview in the first place. It is the basic expectation. Over the years I have learnt to keep my expectation low, but definitely I will debate about it within my head even though I don’t show my emotions. Sometimes it’s better to retain your pride.

  7. Nice post, Laksh. Thanks for making me think. I have always felt ‘Conflict Resolver’ should be my middle name. I cannot bear to see conflict anywhere surrounding me. Soemtimes it would mean swallowing that pride to determine a path that leads to peace. And I used to always wonder how others percieve me due to this nature of mine, do they think I am insecure?
    Over the years, life has taught me to exercise restraint..but Gosh! its damn hard to do. It has also taught me that we cannot find a solution for all problems, and soemtimes we should just let things be.

  8. It happens Laksh and this was a better response. Did you just pass by and say Hi! ? That is what I would do, I won’t ask anything. But will make sure that person feels guilty even if it is just a little.

    I used to be the one who would burst out with any news and always have to share it. But now I too have developed the restrain thing in life. Is this wisdom? I don’t know but we learn it the hard way.

  9. Laksh… when is your birthday?

    I will never learn no matter how hard I try… I’ll be the one who reach out first… I prefer to talk and resolve things than to wait and let things to settle down on its own… and I always want to know the reason too… if not I cannot sleep… having said all this… I think its only for people whom I truly love and care… if the person involved it just someone I know… I wouldnt bother so much though…

  10. @Hema: LOL! Running away from self is not really an option. Actually writing about it made me realize I have changed over the years in a good way too.
    @SK: Totally agree. Akay and I are completely different personalities and we stayed together for a few years. I made me realize how unlike we were and why I liked her so much.
    @Suman: I thought it was positive too. Over time, I realized I did need to have a bit of pride left in me. πŸ™‚
    @Saya: Welcome here. I so relate with your last line. Thank you for the compliment.
    @Gayathri: Thank you. Looks like this post touched a chord with a lot of people.
    @Mitr: Agree. In this case, it was not really the relationship that needed salvaging. I barely know the person. I guess it was vain of me to expect to be told.
    @Sudha: Absolutely agree. We need to keep that bit of pride. Earns us respect. Sadly for me it was a lesson I learned pretty late in life.
    @Devi: Love the ‘Conflict Resolver’. Could as much apply to me too. πŸ™‚
    @Manchus: Actually I have no plan to reach out at all. πŸ™‚
    @Selvi: Christmas. πŸ™‚ Ditto for your comment. Same for me.

  11. Oh! how I wish I was like you. I can stop talking and continue for months, though inside I’ll be very hurt. But now I’m trying to let go of things and make an attempt to talk and resolve things, but I’ve a long way to go.

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