These past few days have been unbelievably hectic. At work, at school. So, as I worked against time to get my paper done for tonight’s class, I kept running into mental blocks. The very nature of this course makes it subjective. It is all about me. I am the star in all my papers. It should be easy I thought to myself as I wrote my first paper. It was not. This time around, am a little sober so, I gave each prompt a lot of thought and started writing. As I wrote I felt I was going around in circles. I still did not get the essence of what I wanted to pin down on paper. Writing, deleting, writing some more I was exhausted by 5:00 PM and I was yet to make a dent on it.

I shut down the machine and worked away my frustrations on the sink full of dirty dishes. Stowing them away in predetermined patterns, ideas hiding in the dark recesses of my mind struggled to find expression and came away floating loose. As I scrubbed the faucet till it was shiny all over and mopped the excess water from the counter, I was smiling. I had no clue whether my ideas were what the instructor was looking for, but it helped me refocus on the task at hand and paint a picture like he had commented on my last paper.

So write I did, from 7:00 PM till 11:00 PM when I had the basic ideas typed in. I knew they could use a lot more work but I wrapped up spent from the effort and feeling strangely elated. I fell asleep before I knew it and woke up to a rather shrill alarm. On the drive to work, I relived the thoughts from yesterday. The lessons I had learned over the span of a decade from all the jobs I have held have shaped who I am today. Till yesterday, I have never given it conscious thought. Trying to find examples from my life to back up my assessment of myself was challenging and rewarding. I think I have a better understanding of myself today than I had yesterday.

Grades apart, isn’t that the idea of going back to school? To come back enriched and self aware?

Mom to three. Open adoption advocate. Writer.

6 Comment on “Dark recesses of the mind

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