Channeling negativity

Waking up after a rather short but restful sleep, I felt oodles better than the night before. It had been class night and I returned home in a rather sour mood after I had received my paper after grading. I thought I had done well but the instructor obviously did not share my view and with good reason perhaps. Instead of walking up to him to try to find out why, I decided to give myself time to analyze and take in the comments and see what I could do to improve myself for the next paper due next Tuesday. Reaching home, I saw Amma had made poli. One of my favorite dishes. Even that failed to cheer me up. After getting irritated with her for no reason, I kept on and on about silly things and just was radiating so much negativity that I felt like a train wreck. The kind where you know you are headed down a path of destruction yet you cannot stop yourself. That was me yesterday night.

Having had enough of me, Amma went up to sleep and I decided to play with my living breathing online persona. My blog. Tired of the same look, I scouted for newer themes and downloaded a whole bunch. Picking the one that is on now, I tweaked it till I was halfway satisfied with it. There is work yet to be done but it was enough for then. Logging off, I realized I felt better. Working away my frustration and anger at myself for not having done well, I channeled that energy into something productive.

Waking up, I felt horrible for treating my Amma badly that I bounded down to give her a hug. It shamed me how much I was taking her for granted. Driving into work, I made a mental note to myself not to take out my negative emotions on others. That is what blogs are for. Right?

15 comments

  1. Leave Amma alone Laksh, take it on K when he comes back, with vegence for all that holidaying he is doing:)..kidding.
    You are not alone, you ahve company in me. I am also learning to deal with frustration and negativity better.
    sure bring it on on the blog.

    The new look will take some tie to get used to. I like those flowers at the top!!
    good day
    shy

  2. You are not alone, you have company in me and may be many more. I have learnt to deal with this kind of frustration and the target is either Internet or TV (preferably one which does not answer me back , but just takes the hits from me.)

    I am a regular visitor here…though never dropped any comment.
    Today morning little surprised to see the new look, for a moment I checked if I am at the right URL of Musings.
    Anyway…this one is more user friendly and well organised.
    Good luck for next Tuesday.

  3. Hi Laksh…

    I so well could understand what you would have gone through…i have had many of those moments of taking my frustration out on my poor husband(the only victim at home!)..for no fault of his when i go through such emotions..but one things has gotten better…i am quick to get myself out of that feeling and also apologize immediately for my bad behaviour…

    Didn’t i tell u before the more i read what u write…the more i see myself in you so much…good and bad alike..:)…

    Cheer up Laksh…this too shall pass 🙂

  4. Hi Laksh. I can relate about taking out frustrations on loved ones. I know your amma will undertand this, as all loved ones usually do. AS for blogs being an avenue to vent,… totally agree. Take care.

  5. I feel your mom knows better and forget your teasing or nagging ! but in case it becomes too often, then she could tend to feel differently ..I still feel you are a cool person and should be able to avoid negative approach for ever..Try to read your own earlier Blog about Entitlement…

  6. Boy I love this translator thing in your blog. I am having fun and laughing while reading your blog in Hindi especially the Pink Chaddi campaign 🙂

  7. ooh!!
    मंचू
    फरवरी, 12 वीं 2009 3:14 पर हूँ

    यार मैं अपने ब्लॉग में इस अनुवादक चीज़ से प्यार करता हूँ. मुझे मजा आ रहा है और हँस जबकि खासकर गुलाबी Chaddi अभियान हिंदी में अपना ब्लॉग रीडिंग

    That was the translation of my previous comment!!!

  8. You said it right Laksh!!! I too have this bad; real bad habit of hurting others when I don’t feel right sometimes. It had always been my Amma and Husband. Both – poor creatures of the same nature. I know I should learn not to show my anger on them and I will some day or other. Lets not do it again Laksh… God knows how long this feeling is going to lost? way of life??

  9. I can totally relate to this post(and your other post on how sensitive you were to a friend making fun of you:).

    My Mom gets such a bad brunt from me, I feel extremely bad when I away from her. But when we are together I behave the same away. Mom says I am nicer on the phone:)

  10. @Shy: problem is I always realize after the fact 😦 The new look is taking time for me to get used to as well. I liked this because it uses the entire screen space and has a great many options.
    @Hema: Thanks for delurking! Internet is my fave vent spot. Thank you. Still working on the paper for Tuesday.
    @Veena: Sure has passed! feeling much better and I think Amma knows me too well to feel upset about my unreasonable behavior.
    @Arch: I think we figured this one out 🙂
    @Spillay: True. Thanks!
    @Mitr: Sure they are. The more I read back on my earlier posts that is what I feel. It is a mirror to my mind.
    @ekr: Very true. I did go back and read it after your comment. It helped! Thank you. Will keep your words in mind.
    @SK: Dank you! How are you?
    @Manchus: LOL! have fun.
    @Rupa: Hope you are feeling better too.
    @Deepa: Even this will pass.
    @Sachita: Am sure my mom will agree of that about me too.

  11. Ah…same thing happens to me all the time! I come home in an angry mood and take it all out on mom. The next day i feel all guilty, get these rush of feelings and go and hug mom. Moms rock!

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