Waking up after a rather short but restful sleep, I felt oodles better than the night before. It had been class night and I returned home in a rather sour mood after I had received my paper after grading. I thought I had done well but the instructor obviously did not share my view and with good reason perhaps. Instead of walking up to him to try to find out why, I decided to give myself time to analyze and take in the comments and see what I could do to improve myself for the next paper due next Tuesday. Reaching home, I saw Amma had made poli. One of my favorite dishes. Even that failed to cheer me up. After getting irritated with her for no reason, I kept on and on about silly things and just was radiating so much negativity that I felt like a train wreck. The kind where you know you are headed down a path of destruction yet you cannot stop yourself. That was me yesterday night.

Having had enough of me, Amma went up to sleep and I decided to play with my living breathing online persona. My blog. Tired of the same look, I scouted for newer themes and downloaded a whole bunch. Picking the one that is on now, I tweaked it till I was halfway satisfied with it. There is work yet to be done but it was enough for then. Logging off, I realized I felt better. Working away my frustration and anger at myself for not having done well, I channeled that energy into something productive.

Waking up, I felt horrible for treating my Amma badly that I bounded down to give her a hug. It shamed me how much I was taking her for granted. Driving into work, I made a mental note to myself not to take out my negative emotions on others. That is what blogs are for. Right?

Mom to three. Open adoption advocate. Writer.

15 Comment on “Channeling negativity

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