“Blog podalaiya?” (No blog yet?) queried my mom over chat. I thought for a minute and said “Nothing to write about.” Pat came the response ” Why don’t you write about the emotional loneliness that parents go through when their children disappoint them?” My mind went “What about parents who cannot look past their expectations and be rational?”
I couldn’t quite get the handle on what she was talking about. However, I then read Usha’s Lonely hearts post and just knew.
All my life I have known Amma as someone who’s life centered around us kids and Appa. With Appa’s demise it is more around the computer which is her link to us. She often pops up cheerily asking “Enna news?” in the middle of my day when it is past bed time for her. I indulge her and push her to go back to sleep. I call her religiously each morning. Just to reassure myself all is well in momdom. I often wonder how much better her life will be if she had her own set of friends, hobbies that kept her occupied and excited. I worry about her twilight years when she will need us more than we need her.
Like Usha mentions in her post, the plight of the desi parent who’s world revolves around their roles as parent or spouse becomes worse should their kids disappoint. If they chose a life for themselves that did not meet with mom/dad’s approval. The rational mind wonders why is it so difficult for parents’ to accept something if it means that their kids will be happy since that is what they really want. Don’t they? It is not really clear.
I know of countless parents’ who disown their children because they married outside the clan or decided to establish nuclear families of their own. While it is understandable that their future is in some way tied to their progeny’s isn’t it time to let go? To stand back and accept that kids are grown and they can decide what is best for themselves?
I know this is a muddled post. It is because I am torn. Between feeling sorry and being rational.