Madhuram and Shy both had linked back to the murder-suicide in LA by an Indian American man. I resisted writing about it because I was still processing it in my mind. On the afternoon of Oct 6th, Sepia Mutiny wrote about this tragedy. For someone who reads most of the posts on there, I skipped it. I glanced over the first paragraph and hopped over to other blogs. Then on the 7th, Madhuram linked back and I read the story in full. Since then, my mind keeps going back to a couple of things.
I had seen the same headline on most of the news websites I browse yet did not feel the need to read about it. Once I knew this was something that involved one of our own, I grieved. I felt anger, disappointment and helplessness.
As I read the names of the people who were dead, there was so much I felt I “knew” about them. The average desi family. It could have well been someone I knew. I wondered about what was going on in each of their lives as this happened. Did any of them in the house know what was coming? The questions are endless. Instead of speculating why Karthik did what he did, my mind kept going back to his wife, his sons, his mom in law. I keep imagining the shock and horror of it all. And nod my head in disbelief.
And I wonder why being brown affects me so much. Why do I feel kinship with the innocent lives lost? I wonder if they spoke Tamil at home, celebrated Navarathri, made sundal… I wonder how their families in India are handling this media attention. My heart goes out to each of them – Karthik, Subasri, Krishna, Ganesh, Arjun and Indra. May their souls rest in peace and their families find the strength to go through this.