You were not like this before!

In the middle of a conversation with my friend, this came up. “You were not like this before…” she stated. It was a simple declaration. She aught to know. After all, she is my best friend. I must have filed it at the back of my mind to process later because I did not know then that it affected me. I probably replied “May be..” to her and went on to change the conversation like I do when I am not sure of what I am feeling or what I want to say. To buy time. To think before responding to a simple statement like that.

Today morning as the water slid over me in the shower, it came back. Soaping myself furiously I thought “Did I change or did my views change?”. What’s the difference K asked when I put it before him. Aren’t you and your views the same? I thought a bit and explained. I stand for a core set of views that define who I am. These are things I’d like to keep unchanged. Like being fair for instance or being honest or being prudent. Then there are views that I hold. These define me too but it is OK for my views to change based on circumstance. Like being employed for instance. I routinely change my views on whether new moms should work or not. (Disclaimer: I am not arguing one way or another. I just tend to sway between two ends most of the time.)

The conversation in my mind and with K continued all through the drive to work. I am not sure why I was so scared of a changing me. Today as I took stock of why I reacted so much, I realized it was because of the battles in my head. When my best friend voiced my innermost fears, I did not know how to react.

However, as the sun shone overhead, I realized my fears were baseless. I was still the same. I did things because I felt convinced they were for the best. Most of all I realized, I still got what I wanted. If I wanted something badly, I got it. One way or another.

12 comments

  1. Hehehe! Happens to all of us! πŸ˜€
    We don’t change, but the person who told us that we have changed has probably changed himself/herself… πŸ˜€
    Thanks for visiting MirrorCracked earlier! πŸ˜€
    I’m rolling your blog!

  2. Laksh,I can understand your feelings! Guess I am going through same set of emotions. We all try not to admit to the fact that we are changing! I fear to face a changed Me.I am discovering changes in me too! My views etc. Time really changes our views a lot..and it is OK to change, if like you said, you stand for the best to happen!

  3. Laksh-

    Another thought provoking post from you….yes, its a battle that most of us women who’ve come to US go through..whether we’ve changed or our views on how thinsg should be have changed. Yes, one my of strongly opinionated topics is whether new moms should work or not. I am mostly for women continuing to work after their babies come for identity purposes etc. Again, if the day care cost versus income earned even out and there are other preferences, one needs to evaluate- won’t that be another post altogether?

  4. This is one of my constant fears. I feel to some extent change is inevitable. I see the change in beliefs(policital, religious& on several other matters) from what I see and hear as something good. Hopefully, You have only learnt more in the period and re-evaluated. That’s how we grow.

    I am more scared of when the basic qualities change. Like I used to lot more patient and non-juedgemental before.

    Unfortunately, life hardens you. And some of naive behavior is no longer with me.

  5. sometimes we do change… to make things work for us… the way we wanted it…

    agree with you on this… “If I wanted something badly, I got it. One way or another.”

    sometimes when I want something so badly… I’ll pray very hard… and if it doesnt work… I’ll play the role of God myself to make it happen… πŸ˜€ I dont like it either but I have no other choice… the end result that matters and that makes me happy…

  6. So long as the change is for the better, I am all for it. I have changed tremendously, moved away from my earlier self of 5 years ago, thanks in a big part to my husband. But the core hasn’t changed much, I just learnt to hold my tongue better and not lash it out under the pretext of giving an honest opinion at every opportunity. I think its been for the good, so I have no regrets πŸ™‚

  7. I can relate to this post Laksh. I used to dread hearing “you have changed”… and you know for a long time I used to have the same hairstyle, dress as conservatively etc. because I didn’t want to be labeled as changed. But I think with years, my views have changed! I evolve with time, and if that evolution means I have to change, then I am happy to embrace that change.

  8. Is that not good to change also Laksh? Its my pure n personal experience…In my late girlhood and spinsterhood, because of the influences of the kinda books and authors I read those days, I was so feministic and was opposing any bad thing affecting any woman’s feelings, emotions, whom I know, whom I don’t know. Also I proclaim it all those happening is because of male domination, chauvinism etc.,.So I had this thought deep-rooted in me that I would not bow below any male (Apart from Daddy – and any woman would know why?) – be it my brother, my loverboy or my husband. I grew up, had understood the feelings of the opposite, learnt the society I live, I came out of the four walls, I changed…My Views Changed. And those changes in me made me a happily changed woman…So now any of my friend/relative/acquaintance say that I am not like before and I changed, I’d smile and say to myself – I changed for good.

  9. Like Nikhil said, the other person probably has changed more. And yes, views keep changing. I am with you on the job thing too…there was a time I was obsessed about working, now all I want to do is to spend time at home with A, give him the best! On either case, I could not do what I want to!
    As you have written, our core values remain the same, views change…we are growing up!! πŸ™‚

  10. Hey!! This has happened to me too!! My friend says it all the time…we were in the same school and now we are in the same college. I’m finally into things i wanted to be in..but unfortunately, that doesnt work for my friend. But hey, times change and people change…and its good to change. After all, you have only one life and to see different perspectives of life..you need to change(apart from the fact that its a process of growing up..as people have mentioned above)..

  11. @Nikhil: Absolutely thrilled that you stopped by and left your mark here πŸ™‚ Blogrolled you too! I guess the reason the comment made me think was I did not want to change in this particular aspect.
    @Anamika: Change is good most of the times. Sometimes I’d like to retain some of the naivette of my younger days or the ability to be impulsive and aggresive with taking risks.
    @Rekha: πŸ™‚
    @Mitr: Not just the US. I think it is true for us as we cross over from the hot blooded decision making of youth to the sober maturity of mid life. Look forward to your post on whether new moms should/should not work :p
    @Sachita: Totally agree with you. The problem with me was that I feared something basic in me changed πŸ™‚
    @Selvi: πŸ™‚ LOL I liked how you put it.
    @Divya: Good for you! I think I have evolved as a person. Mostly for the better.
    @Suman: I am more or less coming to the same conclusion. Your comment touched a chord and in some way relates to my earlier post in trying different types of clothing etc.
    @Deepa: All is well so long as you do not resent the fact you have changed. Sometimes I change with the nagging feeling it was not completely voluntary. Thats when all these irksome questions start.
    @Apar: Probably πŸ™‚ Growing up seems to be a refined way to label it.
    @Shalu: Absolutely. I enjoy hearing your perspective considering the last I saw you was as a girl growing up into adolescence.

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