Decisions. Decisions…

Laying out all the new clothes I had bought over the weekend, my eyes caught on the summery embroidered top that was unlike any other I owned or ever wore. I dress conservatively and this one was on the other side of the border. Reserved for occasions when I might feel a little daring. On an impulse I paired with a capri pant and got ready. Walking down to the kitchen, I spied K busy with the sink. I stood beside him and asked like I usually do “Eppadi irruku?” (How does it look?). His eyes lit up even before he said a word. I had my answer. I fussed around asking if it was appropriate for work. If it looked good. A hundred different ifs. I was waiting for anything to make me go change. He weakly offered “Its raining today. May be you want to wait for a sunny day.” By then my mind was made up. Pirouetting on my way out I felt light and good. The way summer is supposed to make you feel.

Reaching work I slid into my seat. I could hear my colleagues in the adjacent cube talking something about work. I was tempted to join them. To show off. But I stayed put. A while later, as I interacted with them I could see the way their eyes took in the different me. It was appreciative. After small talk on where I got it etc. I ran into another new friend at work and she went “Oh! that looks real good!”. I was over the moon.

With each of these persons however, I felt compelled to defend my choice of clothing. Even when they were not alluding to what I was thinking. I had to mention how this was a first for me. How I was not sure if it looked good on me.. so on and so forth. As much as I tell people I know not to bother about what others think and to do what they want to do. I was amazed at how much I wanted the people around me to approve. To reassure me it is alright. To defend my choices.

It does not matter whether I opt for something daring to wear. My mind is still stuck in reverse gear. So much so for growing up! 😦

21 comments

  1. May be defending your stance to others is a way of seeking your own approval. The more times you say it to someone else, the more you are convincing yourself. I do it all the time, and I think that’s the reason.

  2. Why is it that we do that Laksh? On one hand, saying we shouldn’t bother about other’s opinions and then constantly seeking “approval”. For me, I mostly seek for my hubby’s approval – not so much approval but appreciation – I pretty much ignore the rest. Perhaps once we are able to stop requiring the approval, a huge weight will be lifted off our shoulders.

    I agree with Deepa – post a picture 🙂 – I’m sure you looked fantastic

  3. Tell me about it Laksh. I also do it all the time. Wanting other’s approval, wanting to get a good name from everybody, pleasing everybody around me has become my second nature. I always have this thing “avanga thappa ninaichipangalo” in my mind. Maybe it’s our upbringing!

  4. Hi Laksh. I agree with Deepa too – a pic on your would be great!!

    On another note, this is a good blog topic. I have been this way for eons too,.. but I realise that for the last couple of years, I have changed. I am now less concerned about what others think about the way I look and the choices I make. The result: I now feel like an “original” version of myself, which is fabulous! Maybe this has a lot to do with me trying to teach my children about being their own persons too… 🙂

  5. Me too, me too, please send me a pic…I am almost imagining it…clothes does make an impression…at least in the world we live in these days..I would love to see a pic.

  6. I am in the same boat:) and am heartened to see others are this way… less about what others think, more about approval from people who are important to me;

    On a totally unrelated note, I have my review ready for your next edition of Thoughtful Thursday! I am so excited to be participating, I couldn’t wait until next Thu to tell you :):)

  7. @Suman: I think you hit the nail on the head. The more often I talk about it, the more convinced I get of my stance.
    @Deepa: Request ack. Pic duly uploaded.
    @Bavani: It is the condition in your statement that says if we manage not to seek approval that is difficult. At least for me. 🙂
    @Madhu: Abs. It is the upbringing and the stern eyes on me even if I ventured to suggest something like sleeveless.
    @Spillay: I feel I have changed too. I still seek approval but my decision does not hinge on it.
    @UL: Done!
    JS: Eager to read your review too. I got the book Friday. Yet to start on it. Will have my review up over the weekend.
    @Laks: Done!

  8. You looked wow… :)I know how it is though I keep telling myself that I don’t care what people think and only AD matters but still I do something unusual and even if AD approves I look at how others react 🙂

  9. @JS: Thank you! Thank you!
    @Mads: I think it must be hardwired in our brains.
    @Abi: Thanks! I’ll take cute part. Slim?? 🙂 I think I know better 🙂
    @Spillay: I can understand. Am already dreading the coming of fall.
    @UL: Thank you! Will do. Not sure if you have heard the phrase “Rusi kanda poonai” translates to “the cat that has tasted..” Now that I know it looks and feels good. I will.
    @Madhuram: Thank you Madhu! I hope you guys had a good trip.
    @Deepa: Dank you! Sexy?? this is a first. 🙂
    @Shalu: Thank you. No offense taken. Wrong side of thirty does that to you 🙂

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