This post by Pioneer Woman caught my fancy considering I seem to perennially live my life in introspection and reliving the past. I couldn’t resist responding to her. When I wanted to leave a comment, I saw there were thousands before me and figured I’d make a post of it instead. So Ree, not sure if you will stumble on here despite your busy country life which by the way I find fascinating and I LOVE your blog.
Ten years back, 1998 to be precise I was living a life so vastly different from what I am now. I was eager to find love. To fall in and to be loved. All my dreams in that time were around the topic of love and marriage which ironically were not the same in the context in which I lived. I had a job. One I was proud of and knew I was where I wanted to be professionally. I would have loved to make more money but I was happy with the rich set of friends I had. Work was not taxing, I had no intentions of staying at that workplace forever. My dreams you see, were set higher. I saw myself eventually as a manager sitting in an air conditioned room with a mountain of emails to be responded to and minions who would stop by my office to ask ‘permission’ for various things. I saw myself getting a higher education and eventually being married and having children. Perhaps because I knew deep down that some day those would happen without any effort from my side they did not figure at the top of my priority list. At least the kids part of it. Of course, I wanted to live in a far away exotic land (read USA) and forever imagined being sent on work to the US and eventually finding a job there. Wish I knew better then.
Fast forward ten years. In 2008 yes I am in the US of A. But under circumstances I had not dreamed of. I came here on a dependent visa. Struggled for years to find a job that was remotely similar to what I started out as. I did get a Masters but an online one. My once feverish ambition seems to have done a disappearing act. Instead what I am is a very contented wife. A person who wishes she would some day be a mom (biological or otherwise). Infertility is the biggest truth in my life now. However, I am surrounded by love, family and a job that is satisfying. I live in a rustic suburb and enjoy the greenery all around. I feel blessed. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything I had dreamed of then. In spite of all that is missing.