What would you do?

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How do we go about shielding loved ones from hurt? When I hear someone I care about being upset or hurt about something I have no control on. I ache. I ache for the person feeling bad. I feel frustrated and helpless. Sometimes my frustration appears harsh. In the process of trying to make things better, I sometimes make them worse.

When in pain I write. Like now. It is up to us to take charge of our destiny. To chart the course of our life. We control how we feel. It is up to us to decide to be happy. To ignore things that cause us pain or to understand, forgive and forget. Easier said than done I know.

How would you deal with a situation like this? Other than listening and feeling frustrated of course.

8 comments

  1. I pray, surrender and let go.

    This post is exactly what I wrote briefly in one of my recent memes. I feel the worst when I see someone close to my heart get hurt. Mainly because, a lot of times, as much as I would like to, I cannot take the pain away from him/her as the circumstances are beyond my control. So the belief that there is a force that’s more powerful than me gives me the faith that things have a way of sorting themselves out even if I don’t play a part in it. Also, I coach myself to let go – believe that the person is capable of dealing with that hurt and overcoming it, and will learn something valuable from it. I have to let him/her live his/her life.

    Give it some time Laksh and I promise things will fall in place.

  2. Agree with suman. It hurts but holding on it make it worse. I make myself available with a listening ear and try ( i say try) not give too many advices; try to talk about something else;if it is loosing job can we help with our network to find one..mmmi am giving too many advices now:(. Time heals and with every adversity we get stronger and wiser.
    smile now Laksh..please
    shy

  3. Tough question.
    Prayers, yes definitely helps. If something is not in our control, then leaving things to God, and finding solace in him is what i would do.
    Any kind of pain, how much ever unbearable, does become bearable if we keep God in mind.

    I havent come across severe pain, emotional hurt, but from what I have experienced, this is my observation.

  4. Laksh. For me, being someone who always needs to be in control, being in this situation is particularly difficult. I’m not good at praying and surrendering, althought I wish I did. And the emotional tangle can feel really heavy. Lately, I’ve been trying to deal with such situations by inviting peace and grace into it. Doing little things, even as simple as inviting the person for a walk in a beautiful place, or giving them a little homemade gift or card might help lift their spirit (and even yours) a little. (For me, this lets me control the situation a little even thought I cannot directly help them with the real issue…)

  5. I believe that there is a Super Power beyond our reasoning, but I’m not a prayer person. That said, I cannot deny the fact that I tell slokams regularly, just to keep a good vibration in the house.

    How do I deal with the situation? That’s a tough one. But I try to offer as many solutions as possible. If the person hurting is very close, it affects me a lot and I don’t sleep at all thinking about how to solve the issue. If nothing is working out, I try to explain/console myself that things happen for a reason and that there is light at the end of every tunnel. This may sound very philosophical, but that’s what I do.

    Laksh, wonder what is hurting you so much now! Hope the problem resolves and both you and your loved one feel better very soon!

  6. Well, off late, I have been the one who has been feeling horrible and unburdening to my close friends. I am not so sure that prayers help cos I have stopped believing in the existence of God! It just feels good that I have someone who at least has the time to listen to me.

  7. @Suman: Totally agree with you. Specially on “cannot take away the pain” part. Like you said, things do resolve themselves and lessons are learned.
    @Shy: Big grin πŸ˜€ Yes holding on does make it worse.
    @Sk: Prayers to an extent yes. I guess I was talking more of it from my point of view. Having written that post I realized this is why wise people talk so much of attachment with detachment. If only it were easy! Sigh!!
    @Spillay: Nail on head. Yes. it did seem all about control πŸ™‚
    @Madhuram: All is well now. I try the everything happens for a reason but somehow it seems unfair to me πŸ™‚
    @Nita: Thats what I do/did.
    @Apar: Glad that you have good friends to lean on. Am sure that is half the weight off your mind.

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