Appa, I miss you.

Reading another blogger’s account of losing her dad had me bawling like a baby in my shower. Memories of peeking at you from behind when you sat shaving on our red and white patterned plywood dresser mirror and stool and rushing to cover your eyes and ask you “Yaaru sollu?” is still fresh in my mind. Sitting on the water tank in our home in Alwar Thirunagar at 9:00 PM at night waiting to hear the sound of your motorbike from Gandhi street and wondering if you caught the train on time from Gummidipoondi makes me realize how much you toiled so we could have a good life. Memories of you surround me at every turn Appa. Each time I struggle with constipation, I remember how much you struggled with all the medication you took to keep you going. I see you walking with us as we inspected the first home we saw and liked. I remember the early morning trips from the railway station to home sitting behind you on the bike and having our father daughter moments. I remember the day you and amma reached Bangalore to tell me I was meeting someone yet again that weekend. I listened as you described the young man I was to marry later on. I feel a swell of pride when I think of my childhood and don’t remember anything that I wanted so much that I couldn’t have it. I remember you lying tired being back from work and me pressing your tired soles so you could go to sleep. I remember the entire family huddled in the bedroom past 8:00 PM because you went to bed early. All of us sitting around and chatting like happy families do.

I love you Appa and I am thankful for having had a father I could respect and look up to.

Happy Father’s Day!

14 comments

  1. I am happy for you Laksh, that you have such great memories of him to cherish; I’m happy for your dad to have such a wonderful daughter. Please celebrate every father’s day with your bright smile! God bless
    shy

  2. @UL: Thanks!
    @Usha: I do. The memories are bittersweet for sure.
    @Hemani: I sure hope he is.
    @Uma: Thank you!
    @Shankar: Thank you. Wish he could read though.
    @Suman: I know. Those memories are all the more treasured now.
    @Anamika: Thank you!
    @Laks: I hope da.
    @Loga: Thank you!
    @Shy: I know. I feel happy too.
    @Rekha: They sure are!

  3. Laksh you really made my cry on this one. I didn’t grow up around my father, but now I realize that your loss is more painful. You were blessed with a wonderful father and one fine day he’s no more. Now you have to go about the rest of your life without his love and warmth. It’s like loosing one’s eye sight all of a sudden. That is more worse than being born blind. Hugs to you dear!

  4. @Madhuram: Yes. The loss is heavy to bear but that does not make your loss any less significant Madhu. I am sure it was hard growing up without a father figure in the house. My cousin is similar to you and my heart goes out to her each time. Hugs!

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