I ambled down the stairs awake but not quite alert and paused for a brief moment before my ‘swami ull’ or praying space. I light a pair of oil lamps daily first thing after I am done brushing my teeth and before I treat myself to a steaming cup of tea. Today I felt lazy. I wondered if God would mind. Before waiting for a response from my Inner Voice I went ahead with my ritual anyways. As I opened the door to the cupboard that housed my divine treasures a feeling of remorse overcame me.
Why was I bargaining at all? Its not like someone is going to take me to task. As I stood there debating my decisions I realized my relationship with God had come a long way. A long way indeed from the days when I wanted Her to make me slim instantly. Or pleaded with Her to ensure I grazed the passing score in Hindi exams. Over time the requests for instant gratification were slowly replaced with more realistic pleas like let me be happy all the time or let everyone in the world be happy and peaceful. Depending on the severity of my mental agonies I would demand that my pleas were met or leave the option up to Her.
Of late however all I think of is wishing her a cheery Good Morning and hope she has a day better than mine. Funny how our perspective of God changes with time. In my mind She has morphed from an inaccessible colorful bedecked form to somewhat of an alter ego.
So a prayer has gone from being a prayer to more of a dialogue.