Whither Equality?

As I peered out the tall glass windows of my office building watching the slushy, icy mix come down, I was glad I was inside looking out unlike Saathi who was out there scraping ice off the windshield and side mirrors. It was another five minutes before he pulled up by the door to pick me up like he does when it rains or snows. I was silent on my ride home and well into our established evening routine. Today morning yet again, he dropped me off right by the door so I would not have to trudge through the slush with my heavy backpack.

As I climbed the stairs, I could not but help wondering if I can ever thank Saathi enough for all he does. Is making food payment enough? I am not sure. I am not even sure if I were in Saathi’s shoes I would do all that he does for me. I cry out loud about equality in everything. In decision making. In sharing household chores. Yet, I stand mute when he asks me to be in the warmth inside while he braves the cold. I watch him button up his coat and step outside to shovel snow without thinking of doing the same. I am happy being the passenger whenever possible. Yet, it is very rare to hear him complain about things like this. While I con myself that we share an equal relationship, I realize how unfair life is. To him.

11 comments

  1. Haha good post. I have had similiar thoughts as well. I fiercely fight for equality all the time. I once in a while ask him to cook too. He is the one who travels every week so I can keep my job and stay put. I wonder too, where the equality is. So many other things as well. He carries more of the grocery bags than I do, he drives the old car I drive the new one, on and on the list can go on.
    I suppose we have to make up for such things, in some way… youve got me thinking.

  2. Don’t really know how to react to this one…cos many a time, I have shovelled the snow in our driveway all on my own and there are times when I have gone and helped, even when A was a teeny weeny baby. I have changed tires not waiting for someone to help me…the list goes on. Now, I face the task of being both the father and mother to him…so I guess I can talk about equality full time 😉 I just hope that A grows up with the right attitude…

  3. @SK: Totally with you on that one. I plan on dedicating changing Valentine’s day to Spouses’ Appreciation Day 🙂

    @Apar: Those are exactly the things I would balk at. And those are exactly the things for which I admire you. You will always be in my mind as the smart, independent and gutsy girl who can dare the world. You go girl!

  4. Laksh, Some things come naturally. I would automatically shovel and help change the tire or help him carry heavy stuff. Needs no asking. He would automatically help cut veggies or cook coz I am not too much into cooking. So it is about what comes naturally at that time. Perhaps you think the kitchen is your niche area and he thinks cleaning is his….Its just the way our mind works….or probably division of labor. Striking the balance is the key here.

  5. @Arch: Very well put! Balance is key for sure. It is true that we do what comes naturally. Its not that I do not help carry grocery bags or assemble furniture from IKEA but somehow feel K does a lion’s share of tasks I usually do not like. Bottomline, I just feel thankful and a wee bit sorry I am not more helpful.

  6. I second Arch – I am usually there to share driving or carrying stuff or name it…. Similarly he is there to cut veggies, clean dishes etc – just what we want to do and share the chores as much as possible. As long as there is balance and one of the two doesn’t feel over-worked, I think it is fine.

  7. Am kind of in the same boat as you, laksh. One thing I differ is that I do not fight so much for equality. And I am on the receiving end most of the times – like being the passenger whenever possible and cleaning snow/ice.

  8. @Akay: True. I guess the point I was trying to make is that in my quest for equality, I often overlook things like these. For instance doing taxes or keeping the documents sorted or a hundred other things of which I have a clue but I do not actively participate.

    @Anamika: Nice to have company 🙂

  9. He was standing right beside me as I typed away that comment, so I had to be nice, didnt I? 🙂 …but he is a sweetheart…and now that’s definitely a shhh!

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