“When Man loses faith in himself, he starts believing in God!”
This used to be Appa’s response whenever I asked him why he turned from someone with no overt faith into one who experienced a sudden revival in faith towards the last decade of his life.
Today I think I got what he meant. It is one of those bleak dark days I often go through when I feel life is unfair. Very unfair. For every person that yearns of a better paying job, there is one person wishing they were sitting at home doing nothing. For every person that hopes to buy a home someday, there is one who wishes they had a bigger better one. For every person that longs for a child, there is one who feels the baby was a mistake. For every wish, there is someone wishing otherwise. These are things we have no control on.
With lack of control comes the feeling that there is some force that may be.. may be able to make the magic happen. So, as I turned my face upward and saw the framed Ganesha or the baby Krishna looking at me, I sent a wish heavenward to make the impossible possible. To feel so utterly helpless that all you can do is channel all that unfulfilled wish, hope and pain into a powerful feeling called faith. To dare to hope.
Today I join the ranks of people who implicitly believe in the higher force, of believers, of the faithful.