Bubbling to the surface.

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There is a certain something about being up early in the morning when all you can hear is silence. As I walked furiously on my treadmill, I could feel thoughts bubbling up to the surface of my brain till they burst open spilling their contents in a form I could recognize.

For whatever strange reason today my subconscious decided to torment me with memories of a long time back. Of sibling rivalry. The yearning to be the best.  Strangely again I do not have memories of competing with my own siblings. All my references were tied to V my athai ponnu. We grew up together and being close in age it was just natural.

I wanted to be the first to get up, first to get my hair done, first to have my bath and generally beat her any which way I could. It was tough for you see, I adored her. She was better than me in all tangible ways. Pretty, vivacious, popular and everything a teenager would want to be. Growing up with her I saw myself as the shadow. Basking in her reflected light I became friends with her friends, did almost everything she did. Then one day I was done with school and had to get out into the real world.

For the first time I had nothing to compare to. Nothing to best. I let myself be and realized I was popular in my own way. I had friends for what I was. I might not have been popular in an adolescent sense but I had a variety of interests and a way with words. For probably the first time in my life I felt a self of self.

What has that to do with what I am writing now? Everything. Today I have that feeling of self again. A feeling of self esteem. A desire to think positive. Somehow I feel that is the key to making this year my year.

4 comments

  1. I really like this post. It is that time of year when a lot of time is spent thinking about the past and looking forward to the future….. I too have very strange and random thoughts just pop into my head for what seems to be for unexplainable reasons,…but what more can we do, other than bask in them…. thoughtfully 🙂

    Incidently, I have tagged you. If you are interested in playing, please visit >>> http://spillay.wordpress.com/2008/01/03/new-yearnew-lifenew-dreams/

    Have fun!

    spillay
    http://spillay.wordpress.com

  2. Beautifully written. I really enjoy reading your post. Good one. Hope to read many more like this.
    //Furious Walk on TM// – 20 Pound loss ? do you track ur records ?

  3. @all: Thank you Thank you! Comments are really what keep me going. I love getting up in the morning and seeing comments.

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