Mixed feelings

Good Byes of any kind bring mixed feelings in me. Mostly sadness. Sometimes it becomes a little more profound.

FIL leaves to India tomorrow. As I helped pack and made sure he did not miss his medications or his personal effects I felt a tinge of sadness. I know he is just going back home and we are going with him but somehow in the past four months he has been with us there have been some touching moments.

In some way losing my dad last year has made me appreciate the people we do have in our lives. I do not want to look back on the times he spent with us and feel I did not do enough to earn his approval or that he was not happy enough. I know when we are back from vacation and see the empty house there will be a lump in the throat. Each time I make Bhel Puri I will think of him. Each time I cook, I will comment on how much appa liked my rasam or my beans curry.

There will be moments when I will appreciate the private time K and I get but there will also be moments when I wish there were other family members around to share our happiness and sadness.

There will be times when I look around and feel happy about the clean home we maintain but I will also look around and feel an emptiness inside and outside.

For every time I change the towel in the powder room or grumble about the number of times I have to cook each day I thank God for the family he has given me. People to care about, appreciate and love me.

This visit is making me extra sentimental because the death of my dad has driven home the suddenness of it all. I hope my FIL will have fond thoughts of his stay here and will think of us often even when he is not here.

It is amazing how people grow on us. I would have never expected to feel this way about anyone who was not related by blood to me.

3 thoughts on “Mixed feelings

  1. I can feel the lump in my throat already when I read this. I hate you for making me sentimental…just kidding…..I hear you…I can feel your feeling..now does that prove u r a good writer…I guess so, Laskh!

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