Losing is not easy

I lost my dad two weeks to the day today. The past two weeks have flown past. I have no recollection of anything specific I did. It hits me at the oddest of times that I will never see my father again.. ever. I think of all the things I associate with him. His lopsided grin, his mute anger, his unflagging patience and above all his ‘I-can-do-it’ attitude. For one who has not had a great academic past, he did very well in anything he took it upon himself to do. He was very handy around the house.

All through my growing years I remembered him as ‘more’ giving of the two between him and my mom. He would always let my mom make decisions and give her a free hand with the running of the house or control of us kids. In a way that made me believe that the world was an equal place. My father has undoubtedly been a very huge influence on the kind of person I am today.

My mind searches for things to hold on to, memories, last words.. strangely its a strange silent world inside me now.

Appa I love you and I miss you more than you will ever know.

4 thoughts on “Losing is not easy

  1. Lakshmi, I dont have words to console, I dont know how. “My condolences, sorry to hear about your loss” are just words eventually. I know nothing would decrease the pain of loosing someone so dear.I can only say with confidence that he will live through you, your memories, your good times. So relive those fond memories and time will heal the rest. I met him a handful number of times, and will remember him as a pleasant natured person with an eyecatching smile. Connecting the dots you did inherit that smile.Be strong for your mom, you are in my thoughts. Take care and love.

  2. Oh My God, I am very very sorry to hear that. Hop you guys have the sterngth to go through this. This year has got to end soon.

  3. Just went to your photo blog and your friend Maggie (Maheshwari) is my hubby’s(Karthik) cousin’s wife. Lives in CA, right?

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